gntbldr
08-24-2004, 07:52 PM
> Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie
dolls
>for
>the Milwaukee market:
>
>
> Galleria Barbie:
>
> This princess Barbie is only sold in Elm Grove. She comes with an
>
> assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired
foreign
>
> dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without
>
> tummy tuck and face lift. Note: Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction
>
> with "augmented" version.
>
>
> Brookfield Barbie:
>
> This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
>
> minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and
has no
>
> full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell
phone
>
> sold separately.
>
>
> Marquette Barbie:
>
> This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy
with
>
> dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available
>
> after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small,
>
> untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
the
>
> hell you are talking about.
>
>
> The Oak Creek Barbie:
>
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or
Hummer
>
> H2. Included is her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country
club
>
> membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private
>
> School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
>
>
> UWM Barbie:
>
> Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we mean get an
>
> education. Comes with standard issue shorts with "UWM" printed
largely
>
> on the butt. Also comes wearing latest "themed" sorority party
T-shirt,
>
> hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each
>
> carrying the latest in "knock off" Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic,
>
> undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately.
>
>
> West Allis Barbie:
>
> This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes
too
>
> small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has
>
> a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can
spit
>
> over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk.
>
> Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper
>
> sticker absolutely free.
>
>
> River Hills Barbie:
>
> This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
>
> spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends
on
>
> her boat. Percocet prescription available.
>
>
> South Milwaukee Barbie:
>
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-
>
> heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut
>
> Ken out of Cudahy Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble
includes
>
> low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter-
>
> top. Also available with a mobile home.
>
> Riverwest Barbie:
>
> This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Brookfield Barbie
without a
>
> shower. Comes with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR.
>
> There are accessory packages with various assortments of body
piercings
>
> and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately
because,
>
> like, she doesn't have a job.
>
>
> Bayview Barbie:
>
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue
>
> hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks
with
>
> white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not
want
>
> or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Bayview Barbies, and
the
>
> optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
>
>
> Northside Barbie:
>
> This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
>
> accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy
>
> were available, but are now very difficult to find since the
addition
>
> of the infant.
>
>
> Southside Barbie:
>
> This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired
>
> temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no
car
>
> seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and
work
>
> gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo
bumper
>
> sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window
>
> stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are
not
>
> available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available
for
>
> Southside Barbie or Ken.
>
>
> East Side Barbie/ Ken:
>
> This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
>
> simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.
dolls
>for
>the Milwaukee market:
>
>
> Galleria Barbie:
>
> This princess Barbie is only sold in Elm Grove. She comes with an
>
> assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired
foreign
>
> dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without
>
> tummy tuck and face lift. Note: Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction
>
> with "augmented" version.
>
>
> Brookfield Barbie:
>
> This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
>
> minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and
has no
>
> full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell
phone
>
> sold separately.
>
>
> Marquette Barbie:
>
> This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy
with
>
> dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available
>
> after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small,
>
> untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
the
>
> hell you are talking about.
>
>
> The Oak Creek Barbie:
>
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or
Hummer
>
> H2. Included is her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country
club
>
> membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private
>
> School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
>
>
> UWM Barbie:
>
> Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we mean get an
>
> education. Comes with standard issue shorts with "UWM" printed
largely
>
> on the butt. Also comes wearing latest "themed" sorority party
T-shirt,
>
> hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each
>
> carrying the latest in "knock off" Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic,
>
> undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately.
>
>
> West Allis Barbie:
>
> This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes
too
>
> small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has
>
> a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can
spit
>
> over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk.
>
> Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper
>
> sticker absolutely free.
>
>
> River Hills Barbie:
>
> This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
>
> spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends
on
>
> her boat. Percocet prescription available.
>
>
> South Milwaukee Barbie:
>
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-
>
> heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut
>
> Ken out of Cudahy Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble
includes
>
> low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter-
>
> top. Also available with a mobile home.
>
> Riverwest Barbie:
>
> This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Brookfield Barbie
without a
>
> shower. Comes with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR.
>
> There are accessory packages with various assortments of body
piercings
>
> and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately
because,
>
> like, she doesn't have a job.
>
>
> Bayview Barbie:
>
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue
>
> hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks
with
>
> white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not
want
>
> or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Bayview Barbies, and
the
>
> optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
>
>
> Northside Barbie:
>
> This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
>
> accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy
>
> were available, but are now very difficult to find since the
addition
>
> of the infant.
>
>
> Southside Barbie:
>
> This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired
>
> temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no
car
>
> seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and
work
>
> gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo
bumper
>
> sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window
>
> stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are
not
>
> available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available
for
>
> Southside Barbie or Ken.
>
>
> East Side Barbie/ Ken:
>
> This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
>
> simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.