I was going to put this in the jokes, but unfortunately its true so it doesn't fit in jokes
TRIPS TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM...

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her
armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control
was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in
her privates..." and it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I
would have drawn I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it
was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony
mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the
mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then
hardened (no s%^t!), causing constipation and pain. Under general
anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed
along with a ping pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank
goodness)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor
examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in
at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They
eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for
a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the
table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the
act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

Thats some weird shit but I bet its just the tip of the iceberg :eek: Whats the weirdest thing you've seen on duty flightmedic?

Thats some weird shit but I bet its just the tip of the iceberg :eek: Whats the weirdest thing you've seen on duty flightmedic?



:doh:

:o some of those people should not be allowed to reproduce.

remote control
was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

All RIGHT!@!!!!! A remote controlled vulva! Why didn't God think of that????
:D :D :D

I have seen variations of the above, Ive found a few things in the folds of fat people, tissue, roaches, a coin, drugs which reminds me when we were putting a Foley cath in a unresponsive woman & found about an ounce of weed in her vag.
A couple of woman that while having sex her partner went through her vag wall into her anus, one of them damn near bleed to death by the time she got to us, she needed transfusions. A guy came in holding his penis, having sex tore the ligaments into the artery that runs through the penis, bright red blood would shoot out when he would let go.
all kinds of stuff up the ass, I can remember 2 vibrators, light bulb, beer bottle, haven't personally seen any animals, had a woman (BIG but naked black woman) freaking out, said that when she went to put her tampon in she say a mouse shoot up her vag. & was now just below her neck, when I pushed on her neck she started freaking out again saying that it was going to go up her neck to her head.
A # of people who lose there contact lens in the back of there eye & cant get it out
People are always losing there fingers, last week I had taken the fingers to the station looking @ them, I asked the doctor when the last time he was flipped the finger, I then flipped/ tossed him the fingers (they were in a baggie)
Lots of bones sticking out, thats always kinda weird, last summer I picked up a guy motorcyclist his lower leg was just packed w/ dirt, I then noticed where his tibia had trenched the hard dirt for about 30yds.
seeing brains are always weird too, my favorite was a guy walking on the freeway (like you do) the first car he went up and over the next went over him, it caught his head @ the temple took the top of his head off. His head looked like a chili bowl, completely void of anything after I stopped staring @ him I look up & about 8-10yds was his brain-compleatly intact just chilling on the road.
Another auto-ped on the highway hit by a delivery truck tore to pieces nothing bigger than a pound of ground chuck, I was consoling the guy that hit her when I heard a LOL(little old lady) saying "I came through here a little bit ago & hit something & my car hasn't been right" I excused myself from the man & looked under the LOL's car the womans arm was wedged up in the tow bar.
If course the time I had a student EMT w/ me, we responded to a dead guy, I saw him from across the room, looked & nodded @ my partner who understood that I was telling him radio in that he was dead. I then looked @ the student & told him to get a BP on the guy, that was funny.
or the guy I pronounced dead from 3 stories away I was outside he was inside closed windows. The fellow apartment dwellers smelled something for the last few weeks & thought it was a dead animal or something until a few of them drank up enough courage to kick in the door, boy that took the wind out of there sails. That was some kinda stink, maggots crawling all over millions of flys everywhere, his skin was sluffing off on to the floor.
I could go on but that ought to keep ya'll for a bit, you did ask
I could go on but I guess I will stop, that ought to keep ya'll for a while[/quote]

oh yea I forgot, what you usually find in the fat folds, is this milky, creamy, chunky, nasty smelling stuff. It took me a while to figure what the hell this was, I thought it was just yeast, they can get yeast infections in there fat folds, but one told me once that she puts baby powder in there so it doesn't chafe, it then gets sweaty and wet... makes sense...

:twisted: Nasty shit! Thanks flightmedic

Goddamn :!: Thats some fucked up shit :eek:

about 8-10yds was his brain-compleatly intact just chilling on the road

why am I laughing?

Funny shit a day of life in the ER

Nast shit in day of the life of flightmedic......

My mom worked in the ER for a while. She was an RN. She had stories like that too. Told me once about a guy that came in with a chair leg shoved up his ass. Tried to tell her he fell on it!
:D

THats what they all say :lol:

One in a million shot doc, one in a million....................... :eek: