In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.



Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day. The young cowboy took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.



"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.



The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg."



"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure will," said the old -timer.



The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.



"That's terrific!" said the cowboy. "Got any more tips for me?"



"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."



"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer.



The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.



"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"



The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.



"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."



"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.



"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' that piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass and it won't hurt as much."

LOL, too much :fart:

that's one of my favorites :lol: :lol:

here's one for ya:

there was this boy in arkansas and he was coming of age, so his father decided to "break him in" . and he said,

"BOY......ifin ya wants ta, for your birthday, ah'll git you a woman, but first you gots ta practice. Go out back and see that stump with the hole in it? Ifin's ya practise really good on that stump and you get better......ah'll take ya's down to the cat house and git you da finest, purtiest split tail dey have ta offer"

the boy was so excited that he agreed and ran right outside and got to practicing. he practiced for three weeks and, in his opinion, got really really good and told his father that he was ready, so his father did as he promised, and took him to the "cat house" and when the madam answered the door....

the father says.."hi, i'm here for mah boy. he's coming of age and ah wants da purtiest woman ya got"

madam says..."he looks like a fine boy.....i have just what he needs"

and she turns and calls on the finest she has to offer, the boy gets so excited that he jumps up and down and grabs her by the hand and upstairs they go!!!

well, about 5 minutes later, they hear the loudest, blood curdling scream coming from the room and they rush up there, sling open the door, only to see her bent over and the boy is whacking her on the ass with a broom stick!!!! the father was so ashamed.....

the father yells...."BOY!!!! I thought ya said that you had been practicing and ya knew what you were doing!!!! What in all billy hell are ya doing with dat broomstick???"

the boy says...." Ah wasn't lieing Paw, Ah know what Ah'm doin. Ah'm makin dayum sure dey ain't no BEES in dere before ah do anythin !!!!"

:P :P