gntbldr
05-29-2004, 10:47 PM
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words
> > back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
> > testimonials of a few people who did....
> >
> > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
> > asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
> > I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
> > didn't say a word.. he knew better.
> >
> > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
> > was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
> > for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
> > gentlemen who works at
> > the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
> > him
> > and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> >
> > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> > variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
> > the boy
behind
> > the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking
> > at
> > your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
> > grinned,
and
> > I
> > turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
> > let me forget.
> >
> > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
> > release some pent-up energy and ran amok I was finally able to grab
> > hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
> > other patrons. I told her that
> > if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
> > horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
> > "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
> > you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
> > after
this
> > enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
> > doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
> > bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
> > closed behind me were screams of laughter.
> >
> > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> > three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
> > was on him
constantly
> > One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
> > errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room While enjoying my
> > taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> > seven-month-old daughter, and she
> > was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
> > while,
> > so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh
> > Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
> > with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
> > accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
> > accident, because the
smell
> > was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
> > have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> > bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
> > FARTS!!" While 30 people
> > nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his
> > pants and sat down An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for
> > the
> > best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
> > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
> > very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
> > think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
> > don't get any....a true
> > story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to
> > have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> > where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
> > have to leave the
> > set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
> >
> >
> >
> > Now, didn't that feel good?
words
> > back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
> > testimonials of a few people who did....
> >
> > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
> > asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
> > I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
> > didn't say a word.. he knew better.
> >
> > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
> > was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
> > for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
> > gentlemen who works at
> > the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
> > him
> > and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> >
> > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> > variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
> > the boy
behind
> > the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking
> > at
> > your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
> > grinned,
and
> > I
> > turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
> > let me forget.
> >
> > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
> > release some pent-up energy and ran amok I was finally able to grab
> > hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
> > other patrons. I told her that
> > if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
> > horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
> > "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
> > you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
> > after
this
> > enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
> > doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
> > bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
> > closed behind me were screams of laughter.
> >
> > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> > three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
> > was on him
constantly
> > One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
> > errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room While enjoying my
> > taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> > seven-month-old daughter, and she
> > was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
> > while,
> > so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh
> > Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
> > with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
> > accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
> > accident, because the
smell
> > was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
> > have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> > bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
> > FARTS!!" While 30 people
> > nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his
> > pants and sat down An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for
> > the
> > best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
> > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
> > very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
> > think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
> > don't get any....a true
> > story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to
> > have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> > where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
> > have to leave the
> > set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
> >
> >
> >
> > Now, didn't that feel good?